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| so im gonna update this shenangins! stuffs been really hectic lately with school..3 more weeks and its over..but im kinda sad at the same time..i wont be able to just walk down the hall and say hey to all my friends or have late nite trips to sheetz with my drunken chicas, but we'll make some good summer memories! its only the beginning! haha yea this week sucked and when i thought it couldnt get any worse it did but eh i fixed it with my drunken nite last nite which was hilarious!! fun times with manda and kel in the banilla rum!! guess what..the official colour ob banilla rum is PINNNNKK!! and tonite i dd'ed but now the girls are back so im back to being bored! haha sssssooooo yea..what else is there to say? I cant wait until next year cuz me and manda have a prank war with jonathan william and brandon (dont know middle name but who cares neway)...haha we're gonna be neighbors up on 4 north!! lol...but aside of the pranking and partying i need to study haha but my goal is to raise my tolerance level cuz if i do and i out drink jon then he has to suck a dick..hahahhahahahahhaha but if i lose i must go down on a girl..haha which isnt happening! And another fun thing is that my dear love popy is coming back to ship so that should be fun cuz he's always bitchin about being bored online..this way he can just stop by naugle and tell me himself and then we can sit and be bored together! well thats about it..im still BORED as fuckin shit! so im gonna go! love you all my people!!
<3 jo | | |
| So, its been a while since ive written in this thing. Alot of stuff has
happened over the last couple of months..far too much to even update so
thats tossed out the window. I'm on spring break and so far its been
arite..and yesterday for the one moment in my life for the last 8
months or so, stuff was perfect..no drama..everything was
wonderful..but as people say to all good things there must come a
bad..to be completely honest im so tired of the bad. Im tired of
hurting in one way or another...i wish for once in my life stuff would
be simple but i guess that im asking too much..im tired of crying
myself to sleep becuz i care too much...i finally wrote something of my
own and here it is..it explains everything i feel right now...
Everything was wonderful
As good as it gets
Thru the bickering and fighting
I had a reason to smile, to live
Nobody understands that for once in my life everything made sense
Flowed together
Now, I wake up everyday blaming myself for every problem
How much blame can one take?
I smile to the world like everythings fine
In turn, lying to myself
How many more tears must I shed?
How much more pain can I take?
I'm lost in a world of weakness and fright
I fall to my knees and weep
And, I dont have any strength to get up
I've come to terms that
i blame me..
...its not amazing but its cool..made me feel alittle better..so thats
it hopefully ill update this thing more often cuz i dont even know
where to begin if i dont..lol love you all
<3 jo
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| - Believe So today..yea its kinda looking better...the sun was out and i got a C on my bio lab practical which isnt awesome but its better than ive been doin..and i got a B on my history paper that i completely bullshited..if only i proof read it and put more effort into i probably could have gotten better..but im not complainin..haha AND i dont have a lab next week so if i really wanted i could leave monday nite!!!!
Neways..I talked to Alysse today and vented to her and cried to her about all the shit going on...im just kinda tired of it i guess you could say...i wanna be my happy self again..haha not that im not happy im just not genuinely happy go lucky joanna unless alysse is here or im back home..but oh well im making the best of it...i love it here its my "temporary home" lol..
And today krista and i went tanning so im gettin my playboy bunny back..haha im soo excited..and on the way home krista HAD to stop by Mickey D's to get herself a cheeseburger...haha oo the funnyness of my dear krista..lol
Well thats it im gonna go do work...and listen to yellowcard so EVERYTHINGS GONNA BE ARITE!!
<3 to everyone who means the world to me in my life..WHICH is EVERYONE in my life haha! | | |
| I absolutely love how i always feel like everything is my fault..like being who i am is fucked up..caring for everybody else except for me is like a crime or something that every time something goes fucked up in my life that no one understands that i need some time to myself to do what i need to do whether it be working out or just being by myself or listening to music..but it seems like only a select few really know all the shit that ive had to deal with in my life..and ill explain part of it..
Straight out...I have a problem trusting in guys..and u wanna know why? Its cuz i had alota bad experiences with gettin fucked over..when im stressed or i feel overwhelmed and i ask for space a normal person would be like "ok, joanna u dont ask for much..we'll just give u some space" but does neone ever think like that..does ne1 ever really care about me..since ive been at ship theres only been shitloads of drama...there are people i can trust and people i cant..there are people that i feel comfortable around and now there are people i try to hide from..it seems as though..im given a guilt trip..becuz i cant give someone else what they want from me..no one understands that i need time to sort things out...why cant anyone be satisfied with slow progression instead it has to be all or nothing? Why do people hafta turn into complete assholes or turn to sarcasm to hurt me? Ive never done that to ne1 so why do i deserve it? Why do i get stomped on and just completely fucked over by most every guy i come along...I GUESS THERE IS SOMETHING WRONG WITH ME! ive come to that conclusion..but u know what im over it..im the type of person that doesnt get angry at someone..doesnt hold a grudge becuz for all we know..something could happen to us tomorrow or something could happen to just me...(::knock on wood::) but whatever life goes on..my life will go on..i just need to stop feeling like shit and let people walk all over me..
I just really wanna know why? But i guess many people go throughout their entire lives asking why..so im just gonna ask why now? and why me?
So..this is one of my first depressing entries in awhile..dont get used to it..but im just gonna go curl up in bed and cry myself to sleep..hoping that maybe some day ill find that person who understands and doesnt continue to push to the brink when i say stop...
<3 y'all | | |
| So after about ehh 3 months i decided that i would write in this thing again..haha its been awhile but to sum it up ive been at shippensburg now since August 26th..and i absolutely love it here minus all the stupid ass drama..lol im sure u guys all know what i mean..haha so yea i just woke up my brain is not functioning so i really cant write nething else..but hopefully the next time i write wont be in 3 months..
haha <3 y'all
Jo | | |
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